the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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