I wannas sexs uuuuu
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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