it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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