Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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