So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
