I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
