here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
