yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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