my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
