She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Randomize
