: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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