ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
