so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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