i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
