That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
