Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
