I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
