don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
