i really wish james franco would like my vagina
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So much rum. So many feels.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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