Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I wish there were birth control emojis
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
