you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
