He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
