pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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