Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
