Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
