i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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