i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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