Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize