Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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