he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
