Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize