Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
