need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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