Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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