Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
