did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
