Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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