someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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