Heybabeimwearingurpanties
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
did i just pee glitter
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
