I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
