My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
