So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
