he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
