I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
