My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
