I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
