Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
