Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
