At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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