I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
