I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
