I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
