Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
