Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
pray to the hookup gods
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
